Traffic Patterns

I had to drive in to work an hour early on Thursday and I was completely amazed by the difference in traffic. I expected to see less vehicles on the road, but there really weren't that many less. The real difference was the drivers. They're all fucking maniacs. And I realize, pretty much everybody in Cincinnati drives like a fucking maniac, but these people truly are fucking maniacs. Deliberately slowing down or speeding up for the sole purpose of not allowing cars onto the interstate...darting in and out of lanes like football jocks running tires...completely upredictable yet certifiably insane.

I thought about it a bit and came to the realization that I'm accustomed to sharing the road with desk jobbers; 8-5-ers; people who wear suits and ties to work and spend 5 days a week in a professional, business-like atmosphere. The closest they come to confrontation is issuing a heated memo urging co-workers to save trees by choosing to use both sides of the paper.

People on the road at 6:30 AM are clock-punchers; industrial, janitorial or (sorry Jay) food service robots. They work hard, live hard, play hard and they really don't give a fuck about anybody else. Some other guy on the line looks at them the wrong way or accidentally brushes a shoulder as he passes by and you've got a full fledged, chest-beating, bar brawl on your hands. Yeah...they're fucking scary.

I don't think I'm cut out to drive with those people. No more early days for me!